Lost

I lost something.

It's amazing to me how much can people change. No person can change another person, a person changes by itself from the things one is going through. A heartbreak, a trauma, a triumph, a loss, they all change a person, sometimes permanently.

I used to be so weak and after being weak for years, I have toughen up when my heart started to heal.

And then I met you.

From being selfish and impatient, you changed me to give more and I never thought I would have so much patience in me. How can I love someone who is incapable of giving? I am starting to doubt myself, is what I'm feeling genuine?

If we had better timing, would our love have last? Would we both be better or worst now?

Heart Obesity

Thank you for the every day reminder that you miss me, you love me, and that I look beautiful despite not yet having a bath. You make my heart obese in a good way!

Love

I love the way you smell me
the way you touch my skin
the way you hold me tight when we make love
the way you say "I love you" out of the blue
in random moments

One Afternoon

Scent

Your scent they amuse me,
defuse me
kills me
revives me
haunts me
lures me
cures me
teases me
hypnotizes me.

Sunnies

Today I broke my sunnies while urinating in the mall's public restroom, because I tucked my sunglasses to my shirt, and then it fell when I bent over, because my mother taught me to never sit on a public toilet, they are sprawling with germs, they can get into your skin, that's what mom said, you have to do it bending over, not touching your butt to the toilet seat. So my 1 year old sun glasses fell, and it broke, the right lense came out and the frame was already broken even before the lense came out, it is still a mystery to me why.

And it was sad, because I loved that sunglasses so much and it looked so good to me. I think so. He was outside waiting for me to finish the call of nature and I love looking at him from afar because he smiles at me as if seeing me again after a long time, and his smile haunted me for 5 years and it still haunts me now even if we've been together for 5 months, it kills me sometimes and I feel it in my belly.

We did some window shopping on the department store and it was great although the department store was boring because they don't have much. Nothing much to look at. We went around, making jokes and got to the sunglasses section. The best thing happened, we saw the newer version of my sunglasses, the exact replacement, and he bought it for me.

Today, we watched Thor in the cinema (the movie was boring), ate my favorite french fries, and we shopped around and he bought me a replacement of the exact sunglasses that I broke in the toilet. And the day just has to be in this diary.

"I will write this down in my diary so I will never forget this day."
"It's too bad that I am that easy to forget." the child in him is teasing me again.
"I will never forget you. These sunglasses is a remembrance."
"Why do you need something to remember me by, are you leaving me?" he's being childish and cute.
"I'm not leaving anymore, I just need to remember this, what if I get Alzheimer's when I get old? You can read me diary so I will remember you."

He was quiet.

"I will never forget you, you are stuck in my subconscious and in my conscious mind" I said.

Spaghetti and Potatoes

I've never enjoyed All Saints Day before. I usually spend it at home or at work. This year however, having a regular day job, I can finally relate to long weekends and holidays. Last night I said, "I miss eating your home cooked spaghetti and some chocolates after". And he said he'll make me spaghetti tomorrow, and that is today.

I never liked spaghetti, I think spaghettis are boring, like popcorns. Since childhood, every kiddie party I go to never misses a spaghetti, this Italian dish has no effect on me, not nostalgic. Until one day, when he cooked tuna spaghetti with sweet tomato sauce. That day I will never forget, how he stood there topless, incorporating the sauce putting some love potion perhaps, because from that day on, I fell in love with his spaghettis.

Today, he made me another spaghetti and some french fries that he boiled first, sprinkled with salt and pepper and then fried them to perfection.

As I put the food in my mouth I said, "Marry me now." and in my mind I said, "I can no longer part with you."